Acceptance

The art of picking your fights

Soccer then cricket. Then basketball and volleyball. A bit of social tennis and now as much golf as I can get.

Sport has been a huge part of my life. It has bought me so much, taught me more and been good for my general health. It has also left me with many long term injuries to manage as the years roll on. A few years ago when my knee started hurting for no apparent reason, I got a real scare. It started with a sharp pain in the side of my knee - like someone was stabbing a knitting needle into me. It persisted so I went to the doctor and had a few scans on it. When I saw the specialist he told me I had a hole in my medial-meniscus. "What's a meniscus?" was my response.

It is a small cushion of connective tissue. Mine had a small hole and it needed surgery to 'clean it up', which would theoretically ease the pain. I decided to go ahead and went under the knife. In the coming months and years the pain continued. Not as much and not as constant, but the surgery was not as successful as I thought it would be. It hurt when I walked, more so when I attempted to run. Then a dark thought entered my mind - I may never be able to run again.

This may not seem like a big deal, but it scared the guts out of me. I immediately thought of all the things I wouldn't be able to do. I thought of all the things I would like to have the choice to do but would be taken out of my hands (lets be honest, I'm not the marathon or jogging type, but knowing it was off the table for good was a harsh reality).

With some good support I decided to get some professional help (physiotherapy/chiropractic), start yoga classes and increase the frequency of low-intensity exercise. I worked on my mental perspective and mindfulness. I learnt I had many muscles in my body 'overworking' and many 'underworking or disengaged' (much like some of our team members in the workplace). I had to use specific exercises to enhance balance, strength and hopefully alleviate degradation. My job was to consciously think about how I stand, sit and move, and to then consciously turn off some muscles and turn on others. The biggest obstacle was decades of habit and trying to re-train deeply ingrained neurological pathways.

It is frustrating and exasperating. The overall situation decreases performance, comfort and peace of mind.

I found that getting annoyed at my body, my lack of care or action in the past or my inability to hold a yoga pose was useless. They are acts of focusing on things out of my control. Instead, by accepting the pain, my constraints, and where-my-body-is-at-now (current state), I can focus on what will help (future state). Ben Crowe, the world famous Mindset Coach speaks about this (see video below) and how a mindset to accept the limits of what we can do, and then to relax and let go helps us overcome unrealistic expectations. It is from this perspective we can move forward. We can focus on what to do and to improve the scenario. I found this to be true for my knee rehabilitation.

I look at it this way - by laying down our weapons in the face of battles not worth fighting we have more freedom to fight the ones worth fighting. To save resources, attention and will power, we can achieve much more. Everyday, professionals and leaders share with me the fights they are fighting in their day-to-day. They complain about disruptions, world events and those team members causing all sorts of problems for them and their organisation. I understand these pain points are real (just like my stabbing knee pain). But, by investing ourselves into the why's, how's, and recriminations of these situations, we risk investing our energy for low returns.

Instead, by practicing the art of acceptance we are able to stop the rot, work on the things we can control and improve our situation. In a counter-intuitive way, we can improve our situation even when the very things we cannot control do not change (or get worse!)

The freedom we can experience is transformative. By getting better at this we can accelerate our leadership capacity significantly. One process I like for implementing this is from Renee Giarrusso's brilliant book, The Gift Mindset. Her C-A-N model looks like this:

C - Confess to the pain point - acknowledge the issue. Say it out loud, write it down, discuss it.

A - Align - know others have and will go through this and that you are not alone. Shift the perspective from singular to collective. This reframe depersonalises the issue and makes it easier to accept.

N - Nourish - focus on productive, helpful and truthful ideas. Remind yourself of past achievements, talk to 'can do people', and set a narrative for yourself that eases and uplifts your mind.

From this perspective, the weight and heaviness of a situation lowers and creates room for affirmative action. Acceptance may look passive, meek or seem like a sign of resignation. But, I believe it to be clever, strategic and productive. For leaders (and aging athletes alike!), it is a mindset perspective worth investing in. The return on effort (ROE) not only increases, but when this becomes a habit the compounding effect over the months and years ahead can be transformative.