Apathy

Driving Exasperation And Needless Panic 

I am in Year 2 or 3 at my local primary school in the Adelaide Hills and our teacher, Mrs Ward brings out these stacks of cards. They are organised in categories from easy challenges to difficult challenges. I don't remember if there were five stacks or ten, but the idea was each card had a challenge on it to test comprehension. We were going to work on this exercise individually for a few hours a day for the school term. Everyone was to start with the easiest challenge, and at their own pace, were to graduate to harder and harder challenges.

But, I missed the instructions. I didn't quite get the process. So instead of admitting I wasn't listening or that I didn't hear, I sat there. I played around with any other kids happy to be distracted. I didn't even attempt the first challenge. It was days before my 'playing in the shadows' turned to discomfort. I can still feel it even though it occurred over 30 years ago. You know that feeling of being left behind where panic mixes with trepidation and a hint of despondence? How long could I 'duck and dive' or put on an act that everything is okay?

I could see the smart kids racing ahead. Most of the group had moved forward. I was still at the start. Even though I could see what they were doing , I was blind. I could not see past my feelings. I couldn't connect the dots and figure out how they were doing what they were doing. I think I was ashamed to ask for help. So I took the plunge. I looked down at my first card and it required me to draw something. I remember it was a bunch of cherries or grapes. So I took out a purple pencil, I drew on the card and I took it to Mrs Ward for inspection. I nervously waited in line until finally I was at the big teacher's desk. I anxiously put my card in front of her. I didn't know exactly why, but I knew something was off. It turned out my instinct was spot on. The teacher looked at what I had done and immediately gave me a telling off.

I had ruined the card. It dawned on her how so much time had passed and how little I had done. I got a double-down of fury. I remember the shame and embarrassment. From memory, tears started flowing and all I wanted was for the ground to open and swallow me up.

Eventually, I was partnered with one of the 'smart kids'. They showed me what I needed to do - read the challenge on the card and put my answer on a blank piece of paper. Then get it checked off by the teacher and go to the next card. It was that simple. It was easy. I remember wiping my tears away and things brightening up immediately. Within the next few minutes I ripped through the entire first stack. I caught up the pack within no time. I wasn't a dunce or useless after all. Balance had been restored to the universe.

The situation of 'not knowing' followed by stall/delay/freeze is one I see often in professional settings and even in senior leadership figures of large business organisations. Ego and a struggle to admit comprehension (or lack of it) seems to play a significant role. I also see it at the counter of the local store or cafe. I hear it on the phone when I am the customer of a telecom or big box retailer. Once again a combination of protecting the ego and a form of incompetence drives these experiences. I believe the apathy leaders are seeing in their team is being driven by incompetence - both ours and theirs.

Leaders, do you have the technical skills to plan, communicate, and execute? And, if you do are you refining and practicing them simultaneously with consistently. A suite of seemingly simple skills can become a lot to handle and manage. The underestimation of this leads to wide spread incompetence. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic has researched and published findings on this multiple times in relation to blokes in leadership roles (HBR, 2021). But, gender aside, we all have learning opportunities in this area which can lower exasperation because of overwhelm or stagnation we are presiding over in our teams.

Leaders also need to look out for incompetencies in their team. I see this myself as a consumer as well as companies I work with. Technical industry specific skills or role specific skills are lacking in our team members. No one is immune and it is often the low-cost-high-impact investment many of us crave. To lower hesitation, delays, and apathy is a real opportunity worth investigating.

I remember that scared little boy looking at that first card. Sitting blank-minded, anxious and frozen. I remember how he feels and how avoidable the exact same feeling is for all of us in our grown up world. Recognising the competence gap in ourselves and others is a great way to remove the friction of apathy.