Holes bring progress

I recently had a game changing opportunity present itself to me in my work. A chance to work with a dream client in an exclusive sector I could have only ever dreamt of. I went through an array of emotions from ecstasy to panic and almost everything in between. 

The sponsor (the client's point of contact and decision maker in charge of the program being proposed) had read my book and was eager for me to come and teach their leaders the concepts in a series of workshops and supporting activities. When engaging in phone and Zoom discussions I tried to keep a lid on it and be cool. I failed dismally.

My focus was on the wrong stuff, I overcompensated for my excitement and swayed from brash or even arrogant to sheepish and aloof. Yuk! I reflect and see that I wasn't grounded or in a strong or authentic mentality. It was a wonderful learning experience and I have grown since.

But, I didn't tell many people about this opportunity. I navigated through it with only a few family members knowing. Once I found out the client was going to go with another option I took the timid steps to share the experience with a few close friends. The response from both (independent of each other) was to tell me what I should have done or what I should do now.

It was an interesting observation. They meant well, wanted to help, and had my best interest at heart. But, my instinctual thoughts in the moment screamed:

"What would you know?"

"You have no idea about the nature of my business!"

"You have never engaged with a client like this yourself. What insight do you really have?"

These instinctive reactions are mostly emotional while simultaneously having legitimacy. It created a defensiveness in me where I felt I had to rebuff their suggestion or protect my position in a weird and turgid mix of self-preservation and ego-mangling. What came out of my mouth was, "yere, maybe... I'm not sure about that. We'll see".

End of discussion.

It is this sequence I tend to observe almost constantly. A topic or issue is raised. The respondent replies with an assertion. The discussion closes down.

I see and hear myself do it often and almost every time I catch myself and think 'Doh!'

“The power to question is the basis of all human progress.”
– Indira Gandhi

This may occur because we are encouraged and taught to bring solutions. We are rewarded for giving answers, for having a go at giving answers, and for finding answers in school. On top of this, I am sure we each have many personal drivers too. But can we start to practice a different approach?

Instead of bringing the solutions can we 'bring the holes'?

It is term I use to encourage people to insert questions into spaces they do not have an answer for when working through strategic thinking and planning sessions. Often, we want to have the answer but simply do not. When trying to figure out plans, forecasts and visions, it is by nature unknown territory - it is the future! So, to make our best guess, being able to articulate the questions we need to go out investigate is of tremendous value. Bringing the holes to any discussion or strategic thinking process is where the game is played. Bringing the holes to our day-to-day discussions with colleagues and stakeholders has even higher impact.

If a proposition, challenge is tabled, or if someone is just sharing a moment with you see what happens if you respond with a question. In my case questions like the following would have been super valuable and even enjoyable to hear and then talk through...

"Where do you think it went wrong?"

"What would have made a difference on reflection?"

"What would you do differently next time?" 

or, "How did it feel to be invited to do some work with them?"

These questions open the conversation, welcome a person to share more and creates connection between the two parties. The listener tends to learn a lot themselves and everyone benefits.

Bring the holes to your group and individual meetings habitually. Even to your social situations. It may be one of the highest impact communication and leadership shifts we can make.

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