How to be wrong
We are wrong more often than we think. Doing it well is critical for leaders.
On the weekend Melburnians were released from over 100 days of lock down. It meant everyone went straight to the pubs, cafes, and restaurants where booking were essential. But, many of us missed out and had to resort to what we did in our younger days - get some drinks and go sit in the park!
That's exactly what a few of us did. While we were there, I noticed a man in his mid-forties emerge from some bushes near where we were sitting. He had a Tupperware container in one hand and a whole bunch of rubbish in the other which he threw into the bushes as he walked away. As he walked across the park back where his group was sitting, my eyes narrowed and darted from him to the bushes. My first thought... a litter bug. My second thought - what a disgrace!!!
I shared what I had seen with my friends in an outraged tone full of judgement and moral superiority. I found myself asking, "What was this guy doing!?!" and "who did he think he was!?!"
None of it made sense to me and my mind was racing to try and figure out what I had just seen other than a random bloke doing something dodgy in the bushes before blatantly littering. Before I could join the dots I then saw a group of children walking across the park with the newly dubbed Litter Bug. As we watched them walk towards the bushes things quickly revealed themselves. The children were wearing their Halloween costumes and the litter I thought I had seen was in fact a bunch of candy this parent had laid out for the kids to find. My brain took about 1.5 seconds to register and immediately smile. Firstly, because it was great to realise what was actually going on. Secondly, to laugh at myself for being so silly. This was closely followed by thoughts of shame. I had been judgmental, righteous, and critical. Even though my intention was of a good nature I was close to confronting this gentleman in an accusatory manner while being 100% incorrect in my assertions.
In my experience, this is one of the biggest energy drainers for us at work - especially for leaders. It is a good thing to be attentive. It is great to have an intention to uphold standards and question people around us. But, often we do not have the full picture and our initial observation will be wrong a lot of the time. A few helpful learnings for me were:
Catch yourself - take a moment to listen to your inner dialogue. Judgy Negative Accusatory language can be replaced by inquisitive language to remove angst and frustration in the moment.
Look for patterns - seeing an action once that looks wrong or out-of-place does not always warrant action. A pattern of sub-standard behaviour does. Observe until a pattern has formed and enough data has been harvested before making judgments.
Talk it out - in my Halloween story I shared what I saw with my friends. They helped me connect the dots. In this case they did not have any insight to offer, but at least I got a few other perspectives. At work, by talking it out with colleagues or mentors, we may gain insights and facts that help us connect the dots.
ABCD - Danny Meyer, Restaurateur and Author of Setting the Table uses a concept called Always Be Connecting the Dots (ABCD). A great way to summarise a leader's focus when observing customers, staff, interactions, and situations. With a good dose of patience ABCD can be a high impact asset for leaders in a professional setting. Not only to make great decisions but to help us in the moments when our first thoughts are simply wrong!
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