To Fix or F Off?

Coaching conversations remain one of (if not the) biggest asset our leaders are under-utilising.

I know this from a few sources:

1. Weekly workshops with leaders of all kinds and seniority - I teach coaching technique which most have not had exposure to during their careers. As someone who played sport and led retail businesses in my twenties where 'coaching technique' was drummed into me, this reality freaks me out.

2. HR Lead Consultations - over the past 6 months I have conducted multiple consultations with senior HR Leaders coming to me with analysis and reports from big consulting firms on their people showing their leaders do not coach, and this is baked in culturally to their organisation. Double freak out!

It makes me wonder how anyone is getting anything done, or how team capability is being developed. Instinctively, we all know the answer to these questions:

Not much and slowly or not at all.

So, how can we collectively power flip this weighty challenge into a weightless advantage? In a world where the demand for 'fix now or f off' seems to rule all other options, there are a few tips I have learnt to help leaders crank through the gears with their coaching:

The Model

My good friend and (annoyingly good golfer), Keegan Luiters has a Masters Degree in Business Coaching once said to me the GROW Model is the most useful and functional coaching model any of us need to know (good enough for me).

It is the universal go-to and it works for pretty much everyone in western world professions.

Tech Business Owner, School Principal, Marketing Director, Business Development Manager, Safety Inspector, Board President or Chair, CFO... this is for you.

Those with an intimate understanding and personalised use of this model benefit from the heavy lifting it does for them as a leader.

Coaching Download

The Timescale

I once had a coachee (lets call them Penny) practice a coaching conversation with two people that were having trouble working together. We talked through the approach, the preparation, and the technique to use in these conversations. Penny, organised a time with one of them and got about half way through the conversation in a 45 minute meeting. For the other person, Penny went an entire month without "finding the right time" to execute the conversation. 

This is one of the biggest hurdles for most leaders. Coaching takes longer to execute than just telling people what to do. It is the primary reason I have found as to why coaching fails as a leadership practice. This can be navigated through a few minor (yet high impact) tweaks:

1. So Not a Big Deal - As a retail manager I was forced to do these coaching conversations on the shop floor with customers and other staff around us, music blaring, and constant distractions all around. The good news was all the noise and activity created confidentiality. The bad news is that it had to be done on the fly and supremely quickly. However, not bad news in the end. This environment required a deft touch. This is exactly how we need to see coaching conversations - quick, anytime, anywhere, grounded, pragmatic, and casual. The idea that every coaching conversation needs to be scheduled, with a meeting room booked, and cups of tea need to be dispensed with. I ask coachees to build a practice of at least 2x coaching convos a day delivered face-to-face. Or, if not possible - teams/zoom. If not possible - phone. If not possible - email/text (with the last two being a no-go area until you're a metaphoric blackbelt in coaching.)
   

2. Non-Negotiable - when we see coaching as an option it becomes too easy to opt out. As mentioned above, coaching is harder to start and master than we acknowledge. So, perceiving it as THE TICKET into the club of leadership (i.e. the bouncer won't let you in without it) is a healthy way to approach this. I am a fan of non-negotiables. Publicly announce them, track them privately (and with your team/colleagues/boss), and have them visible wherever you can as a constant reminder.
   

3. Neuron Catch Up - Elite Sportspeople train basics all the time. Thousands of reps constantly as a part of their regime. Why? This strengthens synapses (the nerve impulse between neurons telling the body what to do). We all do this, meaning the neurons we don't use get eliminated (Synaptic Pruning). So when you start practicing something new, the reps are needed to develop the skill and instincts. Coaching is difficult with millions of variables occurring in every convo meaning it is harder than any weight loss or dieting new years resolution you've every failed at. Neurons need a chance to catch up to your aspirations and ambition. Those able to build the practice over a three month period and keep the practice up will fly for decades to come.

The Tone

When people come to you with a problem they want you to fix it. So, when you start answering with a series of questions it can be annoying, irritating, and even confrontational. So, how do you set the tone so it is helpful, constructive, and pragmatic? I adapt James Clear's foundational principle of Habit Stacking. This is where a new habit is formed by attaching it to an existing habit (explainer video including Synaptic Pruning).

We need a trigger that tells us (and the other person) that this is going to be a coaching convo. I often encourage people to use a Coaching Mantra which becomes an overt signal to everyone that we're going to work through this together in the quickest and most effective way possible.

Or, find the one thing you do before any convo with your people that triggers you to go into coaching mode as a practice to form an ongoing impulse. This sets the tone for these conversations helping others to get used to what is coming and how to participate in the chat without feeling like their initial request is being hit back at them or that you are not being helpful.  

It may be a topic for another day, but I feel it is important for every professional to understand they are often the leader even if their title doesn't have manager, executive, or director in it. A sales person is always leading their customers/clients. A SME is leading their project teams, stakeholders, and senior leaders. An Executive Assistant is leading their boss (and everyone else usually!) when it comes to administration and organisation.

The skill of coaching is a default for every single person. 

In my mind, coaching is the power skill of leadership. I have written and spoken extensively on this for many years, but in a world obsessed with the benefits of DeepSeek versus Chat GPT, those with a deft coaching ability will out perform and have a competitive advantage to their colleagues and competitors for years to come.

In fact, I am bullish considering most are distracted by politics, technology, and qualifications, meaning those able to deftly coach will clean up in business and career progression.