What do they need from me now?

It is amazing how often people say the same thing about how they got into what they do now.

"It wasn't the normal way people do it, but I..."

It seems we have this ideal of how careers form. Leave school, go to University/TAFE, get our first professional job and rise through the ranks. However, it seems this happens more rarely than we think. Dave Grohl, drummer from Nirvana and leader of The Foo Fighters talks about his rise to fame and fortune as a musician in his biography, The Storyteller. Grohl tells how he had one drum lesson that he didn't learn anything from, and went onto self teach himself to drum and play other instruments. He talks about how he carried around an inferiority complex while simultaneously touring the planet with the biggest rock bands of the 90's and naughties. Even rockstars feel there is a 'normal way' to the top and somehow compare themselves to this mythical standard. 

When talking to a room full of MBA graduates late last year almost every single one I spoke to stated the same reason for wanting to take on the study - to know what other people know. Terminology, models... business'y stuff. It made them feel more confident. Once again, this speaks to the comparison we make between ourselves and the 'normal way' of becoming an executive or C-Suite Professional. There is no doubt professional development has value - my work is almost 100% in this space so at no point do I want to undermine it's importance. However, learning knowledge and skills are a few chapters and not the entire novel.

Being able to understand and honour our unique and individual road to where we are is such a tough thing to do. How are we to calibrate if not by comparing ourselves with each other? It can create tremendous anxiety and confusion within us. Our ego craves recognition to feed our sense of status where being better, higher, or approved of feels nicer than worse, lower, or disapproved of.

So how do we tackle this difficult scenario riddling us with tension, fear, and even panic?

As a presenter I have experienced this dread and terror almost daily. It is nothing short of frightening to take the stage in front of audiences with bachelors and masters degrees whom are sometimes older (and therefore wiser) than me, and are more experience in their chosen field than I. The night before, the morning of, and the last couple of minutes before GO have at times been sickening. With practice, technique and experience comes the idea that all are merely human and I might even have some things to say which are helpful! But the worry and concern never leaves. My instinct is I am not alone...

What I have found to be the most helpful practice other than mediation, routine, and practice is to reframe my mindset. The tougher the crowd the more important this reframe becomes.

Inward Mindset

Is today the day I get found out? Is today the day I get recognition for all my toil? Am I going to survive? Am I going to win? Are they going to want me back? Are they going to shower me in praise and adulation? Am I a goose for wanting to be liked? Why am I so....!?!

These are some examples of what I am telling myself before performing at a conference or with a new client. They are all questions dominated with one thing - ME.

It's all about me baby. Every single sinew of my being is totally wrapped up in how I am going to be perceived, what I am going to get, and how the whole thing will effect me. I have found this to be a natural response for many of us. When we are working/presenting/attending a meeting we have skin the game and there will be good/bad/ugly/beautiful repercussions from the experience that is about to take place. But, does this line of thinking ME ME ME actually help me? The short answer is no.

This inward mindset creates a world which succeeds or fails wholly on how well I do. That is a lot of responsibility (note, 'a lot' is a significant understatement here). It is way way way too much and severely untrue. In this mindset the stage has been set for my internal critic to pull out the microscope and nitpick every false move and imperfection I have made or might make. This is in no way helpful for any stakeholder involved.

Outward Mindset

When researching the mindset of performance and leading team performance for my The Rhythm Effect, there were a few surprises. But one element stood out head-and-shoulders above all others. Great writers and researchers of the ancient, modern, and contemporary eras all agree - from Marcus Aurelius to Jim Collins to Robert Greenleaf to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (and the list goes on and on). The ability to be humble is at the core of performance and leading a group of people to work together productively (ie. collaborate). Without this essential mindset capability all sustainable and impactful performance is almost impossible.

It is with this knowledge I reflected on what this means for my communication. If an inward mindset was all about ME ME ME and didn't assist my performance or bring my best self then a shift in the other direction may be required. With what I knew about coming from a humble mindset the first step was to focus on being in service. To the event organisers, the audience, and the work or learnings everyone was pursuing. This shift put the microscope on their needs and the solutions they would find helpful. My attention was drawn to the environment, the faces, and the needs of others. From this place my attention was outward and a lot of insecurities started to melt away. If my attention is wholly outward then everything inward simply ceases to exist (or at least becomes irrelevant to the moment).

I have now personalised this into a mantra I tell myself before walking on stage or use to 'bring myself back' if any crippling thoughts creep in mid presentation:

"What do they need from me now?"

This creates a focus onto the present moment and the relevant solutions I can offer to the specific audience in that moment (and therefore give me the best possible chance to perform at my optimum). It also gives me the biggest gift I never expected - relief. Instead of having the weight of the world on my shoulders I found weightlessness. If one is straining to hold a tremendous weight all muscles are tense with every bit of energy is being expended and movement of any kind is laboured with great difficulty. If the weight is put aside one becomes relaxed with little to no expenditure of energy and is free to move however and wherever one wants to. It is nothing short of liberating.

This feeling is one I want for myself always (still a work in progress) but more importantly one I want for every dedicated professional driving our organisations and communities. The debilitating circumstance of voicing our perspectives to important clients, disgruntled team members, and bosses of all kinds is suffered everyday. A tweak in mindset from inward to outward is a great starting point and one I am sure Dave Grohl would endorse.