Assumptions

When strengths work against us

Last week I spent two days in a training room as a student at the Australian Institute of Management. The gloriously brilliant Paul Harrison was on deck as the Corporate Trainer and it was wonderful to learn from my peer and friend. But, it was even better to sit amongst leaders from all sorts of industries and backgrounds. We discussed our experiences and thoughts around topics such as managing people, marketing, strategy, and market trends. With my 'educator's hat' on I was constantly observing for themes during our time together. It didn't surprise me that one of the key themes I landed on was assumptions. Whenever a delegate shared a story around a struggle they were working through in their job assumptions was at the heart of the story. It is something I have seen a lot of over the years during my coaching and facilitation career.

The thing about assumptions is that we do it all the time to survive. I remember James Tuckerman (Anthill, B2B School) once describing the brain as a 'guessing machine'. Constantly filling in blanks 100's of times a minute to be able to make quick decisions in real time. An example of this is when we drive - always calculating and predicting what will happen around the multiple data points we are consuming through visual, auditory, and kinesthetic cues). This is what we do in our work lives also. But, there are no clear and accepted rules around what to assume and what not to assume. And, then there is convenience. It is easier and quicker to assume that Barry doesn't care about the report he asked for last week rather than to ask Barry (or to complete the report itself!)

The problem is obvious - a habit of assuming things to get through life can tip into a breakdown of communication causing ambiguity. When things get muddy, people get funny (not in a ha-ha way). And when people get funny communication starts to break down (we drift apart and assumptions increase in gravity and frequency). And when communication breaks down, relationships breakdown (usually ending in conflict or complete detachment). If I bring you back to Paul Harrison, he shared a model to illustrate this:

Source: Paul Harrison, AIM

Empathy is the starting point. Understanding where other people's needs, motivations, and challenges are currently sitting. For me, this is a critical step to lowering our egotistical responses to difficult or awkward situations (ie. halting the defensiveness, denial, or deflection response in us).

Communication. Paul repeatedly talked about committing to being a world class communicator. I loved his comment on this (which I will paraphrase), 'the other person's interpretation of what you are communicating is your responsibility'. This may sound harsh, but what he is saying is if we do not take responsibility for the other person's takeaway then we diminish our power in the communication exchange. He is telling us that by taking responsibility for what the other person hears when we speak we are able to be of influence. We are able to embrace the power we have to change and improve outcomes.

Relationships improve. With quality communication exchanges happening more often we achieve better connection with each other. Especially when we empathise and communicate well through difficult times or challenges. We build mutual respect and eventual trust. And when this is established and maintained with one and then multiple people we work with then our work life is improved.

Work life. This is a macro-framework we can use to circumvent the need and want to assume. Especially when interpersonal conflict is on the horizon. During the past few weeks of training sessions and coaching sessions I have conducted there has been tremendous value for clients putting in the effort to understand and communicate through perceptions and perspectives with colleagues and clients alike. It may be confronting to do so, but the sheer waste of time and energy spent on the fall out of ambiguity is hurting us. It is hurting our daily human experience in the workplace. It is hurting our connection, feeling of belonging, and togetherness at work. It is hurting our results. Our outcomes. Our outputs. Our ability to deliver business objectives.

If you're not into the touchy feely stuff (aka. human skills) then be assured - our people's ability to reduce assumptions within their team relates directly to the numbers we tend to live-and-die by on a daily basis.