I am Out of My Depth!

"They know something I don't." "There are 20 ways I could screw this up." "They are going to see things I can't that I am doing wrong."

These are just a few of the thoughts passing through my mind as I stand over the ball at the 1st tee of the beautiful Kooyonga Golf Club in Adelaide over summer. My mind was focused on the talented wonderful friends I was playing with and living up their usual level. They are mates, but mates that are 'better than me'. My mind feels inferior around them and if I am not careful, my mind will carry on down this path constantly worrying about what they think. The course itself is expensive to play and beautiful. Intimidatingly beautiful, where you want to make the most of it and enjoy it as much as possible making for even more pressure.  On this day, I am not able to control my mind - it gets into a funk. Poor shot after poor shot creates more anxiety, doubt, and despair as we progress around the course. I go on to shoot the worst score of my entire year.

We had fun, it was golf after all, but I left the course that day a little dejected and scarred.

It is a familiar story, not just for golfers. Rather for professionals and leaders across all industries when faced with presenting or facing up to leadership, senior staff, or key clients. The crippling pain and friction we put in front of us undercuts the very outcomes we are trying to achieve. The term Performance Anxiety  may be riddled with inuendo and the butt of jokes, but is one of the most prevalent friction points in our current workplaces. To paraphrase Alain De Botton, Capitalism itself is designed to create anxiety in workers due to highly mobile customer demands we are all constantly battling for. In macro and micro ways we are all competing for results, status, and the next opportunity (Calm, 2016). No wonder we suffer from conditions like Sunday Dread (page 20, The Rhythm Effect), Imposter Syndrome, and Phantom Vibration Syndrome (PVS) during a time when the intensity and complexity  of our lives are cracking up every year.

The ability to hold court or spontaneously answer questions when called out in the boardroom seems to be a struggle many of us share. In the workshops I run multiple times a month this is an ever present topic and one almost all want assistance with. Even those with a lot of experience are not immune to the occasional dose of doubt or timidity when presenting new ideas or answering the difficult questions during difficult times.

I see this as a leadership topic. When we look at leadership I see a few distinct frames:

1. Leading Self - the ability to guide your own thinking and actions towards constructive and intentional goals (Lead Inwards)

1. Leading Team - the ability to guide a group of people to collaborate and achieve what cannot be done as individuals (Lead Downwards)

1. Leading Colleagues - the ability to guide and assist others working at our level (Lead Sideways)

1. Lead Externals (Clients/External Stakeholders) - the ability to guide those we service towards clear and productive decisions (Lead Outwards)

1. Lead Higher Ups - the ability to influence and guide those working above us (Lead Upwards)

All have their challenges and induce their own brand of anxiety. Leading Self is a life long journey for us all (please get in touch with how you did it when you have figured this one out!) Leading a Team is what many people see as the definition of leadership, but I could not disagree more. I see this as a teachable  skill anyone with the relevant motivation can execute to a high standard. Leading Colleagues is a science as well as an art where we can have a bit of fun and experiment with. It will be circumstantial as to what this looks like, but is critical to overall productivity of an organisation. It is also where the unofficial anxiety or uncomfortability scale starts to ramp up. Leading Externals is at the core of any customer service experience. If we cannot lead a customer then what is the purpose of our interaction? Leading Higher Ups is the big one. It is the Super Bowl. The Big Dance. The World Cup. This to me is near the pinnacle of the leadership summit.

Holding court in the Lion's Den is always going to be one the most nerve racking scenarios we find ourselves in. The ability to lead Higher Ups in the boardroom, lunchroom, and any other room may be one of the most powerful leadership skills in our modern workplaces.
Source: BBC/Talkback Thames

This perspective may surprise some people, but if it is not true then what is the nature of the relationship. Are subordinates just there to take orders and carry them out? (NO, unless a part of a totalitarian regime). Are Higher Ups the demigods of our world with mystical and unparalleled powers? (NO. Even if you are tempted to say yes to this they definitely do not). Are they Higher Ups just wanting foot soldiers to agree to everything they say? (NO, even as tempting as this may be).

The reality is we are all Subject Matter Experts on our own remits. Our eyes and ears harvest all the data Higher Ups cannot see and need our synthesised insights to assist them with their thinking and decision making. The job is to lead them towards well considered and consistent decisions. To influence them to advocate for the factors the staff, clients, and community needs. To guide them away from detrimental and harmful actions they may not be aware of. Remember, you are a Higher Up to someone else - wouldn't you want to be led by them to help you with your decision making and communications?

Being able to step into the powerful position of leading Higher Ups is a tough journey for most of us. Recognising this as a key element of leadership is a nice first step. Investing in the practices sit in our power and enjoy the spotlight rather than avoiding it creates confidence which snowballs. It can even be enjoyable, just like golf is meant to be...

Banner Image Source: Ketchum